[Intermediate] How To Stop Caring What People Think

★ nerdy 머리는 좋으나 세상물정을 모르는

not attractive and awkward or socially embarrassing:

ex) These glasses make me look/feel nerdy.

 

★ dweeb (속어, 특히 美) 샌님

a person who is physically and socially awkward and has little confidence

ex) What a dweeb! Why doesn't she dump him?

 

★ play out 유발하다, 발생시키다

When a situation plays out, it happens and develops

ex) The debate will play out in the media over the next week or two.

 

★ conform to ~에 따르다

to obey a rule or reach the necessary stated standard, or to do things in a traditional way

ex) Before buying the baby's car seat , make sure that it conforms to the official safety standards.

 

★ live up to (기대에) 부응하다

to be as good as something

ex) The concert was brilliant - it lived up to all our expectations.

 

★ quirk 별난점

an unusual habit or part of someone's personality, or something that is strange and unexpected

ex) You have to get used to other people's quirks and foibles.

 

 

★ trip up (발을 걸어) 넘어지다

to fall because you hit your foot on something, or to make someone fall by putting your foot in front of the other person's foot

ex) I tripped up on a piece of loose carpet.

 

★ beat up 두들겨 패다

to hit or kick somebody repeatedly

ex) He was badly beaten up by a gang of thugs.

 

 

★ blown off (연인관계를) 끝내다

to tell somebody that you do not want to have a relationship with them

ex) I didn' t exactly blow her off.

 

 

★ hustle (결정을 내리도록) 재촉하다

to make someone move quickly by pushing or pulling them along

ex) After giving his speech, Johnson was hustled out of the hall by bodyguards.

 

★ self-absorbed 자기밖에 모르는

only interested in yourself and your own activities

ex) I ' m too self absorbed to notice other people.

 

★ unadulterated 다른 것이 섞이지 않은, 순수한

not spoiled or made weaker by the addition of other substances; pure

ex) People injecting drugs can never be sure that they're using unadulterated substances.

 

 

★ screw-up 일을 망침, 실수

a situation in which you do something badly or make a big mistake:

ex) There's been a screw-up with our hotel reservation.

 

 

Quizzes

You ' ll have to _______ if you ' re to get home for supper .

Members have to _______ to a strict dress code.

He tries hard to _______ to his parents' expectations.

Things didn't _______  how they expected.

 

 

Questions

1. Do you usually care how other people perceive you ?

2. Why is it important to focus on our own values ?

3. What is your own values others don't care about?

 

 

Script

Have you ever lied about an odd hobby you have? Or maybe your job status or your height? Or even just avoided putting yourself in a situation in which you knew you were likely to fail? Why did you do that? Short answer - because you were embarrassed. Embarrassment comes from trying to control how other people perceive you. So instead of just showing the world your nerdy hobby, say, that you collect beanie babies, you go, "I don't want people to think I'm a dweeb," and pretend that you don't have one. The same process plays out with hobbies as it does with mistakes that we've made, areas in which we're weak and areas in which we might get publicly rejected. We hide what we don't want people to know about us. We conform to what other people would like us to be. But it doesn't have to be the answer because there is another more empowering mindset.

Instead of focusing on other people's perceptions and feeling embarrassed about what they may think, focus on whether or not you live up to your own values. For instance, if you do have a killer beanie baby collection, you obviously value something about it - maybe it's the nostalgia or maybe it's just a quirk that started when your grandma gave you one twenty years ago. Either way, if you value your own opinions, you won't try to hide the collection no mater what anyone else thinks of it. Or maybe you have a crush that you're thinking of asking out. Focusing on other people's perceptions of you would stop you dead in your tracks. After all, what if other people found out and laughed at you for getting turned down? But what if you instead focused on your own values like doing the courageous thing or being honest even when it's uncomfortable? You would ask that person out. Now maybe you'd go on a date, maybe you would't but either way, you'd have lived up to your own values and no matter what anyone else said or did, you could feel proud of yourself.

 

The point is that when you focus on living up to your own values, you never have to feel embarrassed again. It doesn't matter whether you trip up an escalator, get fired from a job, beat up in a fight or blown off by a girl or a boy that you like. None of that stuff is pleasant but you don't need the double penalty of being embarrassed by those things. Your attempts to live up to your values are all that matter so take responsibility, try to correct course and move on. And if you have traits that embarrass you whether it's your looks, your height, your age - well, you can't control those things and you can't live up to a value that you can't control. So even though you might not like something about yourself, own it. You will immediately fell relieved when you accept yourself the way you are.

 

Now this isn't an excuse to simply give up on improving yourself in the name of self-acceptance. Some things are wroth a moment of embarrassment because they remind us that were not living up to our values. So in the case of maybe having fallen out of shape, a moment of embarrassment is worth it to get you back to a healthy lifestyle or a moment of embarrassment in saying your job title can be worth it if it inspires you to hustle to land your dream job. The point is to get clear on your values than live in line with them. Let other people's perception of you fade into the background noise.

Now this doesn't mean you ignore other people completely to the point of becoming a self-absorbed jerk. For instance, if one of your values is to be kind and you keep getting feedback that you're hurting people's feelings, you probably need to make an adjustment. But just remember there are 7 billion people with 7 billion different opinions - you cannot please them all. So when you take feedback from others, focus on doing the right thing rather than the thing that pleases everyone else.

 

In short, stop trying to be okay by everyone. Stop trying to control the opinions of strangers. Instead, figure out your values and live by them. Be your unadulterated self. all the time regardless of the audience. Make mistakes, fail publicly, get laughed at - you've got nothing to lose and as long as you're trying to do the right thing, you've got no reason to ever feel bad about it. Own your screw-ups, your weirdness, your unpopular actions and your free.

 

 

Answers

hustle / conform / live up / play out